THE FLATMATE FIX
In 75 minutes, I'll show you why sex died in your relationship, and how you can get back to flirting and desiring each other.
The spark didn't die in the bedroom.
It's late. She's facing away from you, as always, and between you is a strip of cold no man's land, part of the mattress that neither of you crosses any more. You know exactly how wide it is.
You move your hand across it, feeling adventurous, and somewhere in the middle you stop, because you can already hear it.
You imagine her saying, "Not tonight, I'm tired", "Maybe on the weekend", or "I'm not in the mood".
So you turn what could have been a full-bodied expression of how you feel about her into a friendly, housematey pat on the hip, say goodnight and roll over to your warm patch of bed.
And you lie there with your back to the woman you love, telling yourself it's fine. You're knackered anyway.
But you're not f**king fine, and what's sitting in your gut isn't just a heavy ball of disappointment, but shame as well.
Because she didn't turn you down tonight.
You did it for her, before she got the chance.
Then there's the bit nobody knows.
Some nights you decide that tomorrow you'll tell her you miss her.
That you miss being deeply connected to her and wanted by her.
Then tomorrow comes, you're in the kitchen with the kettle going, you look at her face, and you think, "oh, not today. It's not a good time."
You've been having that conversation for years. She's never heard a word of it.
The touch and the heat and the play didn't die in the bedroom.
They died out here, in a thousand pinpricks, in the moments and micro moments of your life together.
The row you avoided because you didn't know what to say, and because you didn't want to deal with the uncomfortable conversation. That later hardened into a resentment you both carry and neither of you names.
The longing for passion you've never dared say out loud, because somewhere you decided that a man who admits he needs her is weak in her eyes.
And if you're still having sex, you already know it isn't the sex you want.
You're in your head the whole time. It's clunky and awkward. So much so that you find yourself avoiding it.
Part of you is even relieved when she doesn't want it either. Nothing to ask for. Nothing to be turned down for.
Somewhere in there, you stopped being a man she could feel, rely on and be passionate with.
The 3 Vital Shifts
Inside The Flatmate Fix, you will learn the three shifts that take your sex life from flat and boring back to warm, playful and full of desire.
A man who was exactly where you are
Eighteen months without sex. Before that it was mechanical, something they got through. We started with him listening when she was upset instead of fixing her or going cold. Then date nights he planned himself. Then a massage with nothing expected after it. Then a kiss on her neck in the kitchen. By the end he told me the sex was better than it was in their twenties.
The 3 vital shifts
The Safety Shift
Why she has gone cold to sex and intimacy, and the one thing that makes a woman soften, open and be playful again.
The Leadership Shift
How you make her emasculate you, and the thing you can do today to step back into your healthy masculine inside your relationship.
The Desire Shift
What is keeping you from having the passionate, fun and connected sex you want (and no, it's not about changing her), and what the most erotic thing to her actually is.
Real Results From Men Like You
“I initiate physical intimacy and sex more often now, starting with something as simple as a back rub instead of waiting for her to make the first move. I can match her energy without needing her to lead first, and focus on her pleasure rather than just going through the motions. Our sexual and emotional connection keeps deepening, when for a long time I was the one avoiding it.”
“We'd gone a long stretch without sleeping together, long enough that when we finally got back to it I put so much pressure on it having to be perfect that I froze instead of leaning in. The work taught me to treat it like starting again, small steps back to each other rather than expecting it to look like it used to overnight. Now we're talking about trying for a baby, which only feels possible because the closeness between us came back first.”
“After almost twenty years of marriage, my relationship with my wife has never been better. We've rekindled the love and affection between us, we're scheduling date nights and trips away again, and the sex has been the best it's ever been. After this long, that's really saying something.”
This is for you if
You're in a long relationship with a woman you love, sexual intimacy has pretty much stopped, you've quietly stopped reaching for her, and you have never said that out loud to anyone.
Or
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The most you touch her now is a hand on her back to get past her in the kitchen.
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You've picked up more at home, been patient, been kind. She still doesn't look at you the way she used to.
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By the time she puts her book down you already know how tonight goes, and you're almost always right.
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She's told you she feels alone in this. Or she's stopped telling you, which is worse.
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You've been handling it yourself, late, after she's gone up. And telling yourself that's fine.
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Someone told you at a wedding what a great couple you two are, and you smiled and said thanks.
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And you've started doing the maths. Another ten years of this. Another twenty.
None of that makes you a bad man. It makes you an untrained one.
It's not gone.
It's just been left untended.
Nobody teaches men how to keep desire alive across years with the same woman. You were taught to work, to provide and to keep the peace.
That's what the 16th is for.
You'll walk away with
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What the vital cog in passionate sexual intimacy is and how to create it in your relationship.
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The one conversation to have this week where you own your side of it without blaming her, and why it shifts how she sees you more than a year of being nicer ever did.
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Two questions to ask her that will tell you more about what she actually wants than the last twelve months of guessing.
Hello
Hey, I'm David.
Years ago, I'd given up on the idea that a committed relationship would ever work for me. My relationships were intense, short-lived, and full of conflict.
Today I'm in a grounded, communicative, passionate relationship, I'm a father, and I work with men whose lives look good from the outside but whose relationship has gone quiet, distant, and a long way from the one they thought they were building.
I'll be straight with you though. When we had our baby 2 years ago, I watched how quickly sex can vanish overnight from a relationship. Not because anything was wrong between us. Because we were tired, and busy, and neither of us was saying anything about it.
So we talked as it was happening, with no blame. We look at the resentments and frustrations before they harden. We put sex in the diary, which sounds deeply unromantic and isn't. We take time to connect, feel each other and get to know each other's bodies all over again. It takes effort and attention, and it always will. None of this runs on its own, not even for me.
I bring together nearly 20 years of experience in masculinity, intimacy, and emotional depth.
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Sex goes when emotional safety goes, not when attraction does.
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No woman stays turned on by a man she is managing.
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Desire is a set of skills, not a personality you either have or you don't.
It's the foundation for how you relate to her, to sex, and to yourself.
What men are saying…
Still in a relationship thanks to you.
She says she feels safer around me. We're having deeper conversations, and for the first time I actually believe I can create a relationship that works.
I'm less in my head, more in my body, and I feel more confident than I ever imagined.
There were a few times when she was upset or tense, which usually led to an argument. I took a few breaths and paused. I didn't get instantly defensive. I was able to ask questions about her feelings and have a more positive conversation.
I know I can own my intimacy and lead, knowing I can handle whatever arises. I am more present and enjoy intimacy of all kinds.
Courage is about feeling fear and choosing to move towards intimacy anyway.
This has been the missing link in all my relationships. I understand myself on a completely new level.
How many more?
You've read this far, which tells me something.
You could close this tab now and nothing happens. Nothing bad happens tomorrow either, or next month. That's the trouble with this one. It never becomes an emergency. It just quietly takes the years. Another ten of them. Another twenty.
If something in you is already saying yes, trust that.